It gives me great pleasure to review Dr Bonnie Koo’s new book Defining Wealth for Women: Peace, Purpose and Plenty of Cash. I’m writing a post in this series after a while and what better book to do it with than one written by a fellow woman physician.
Defining Wealth for Women
Dr Koo has married the worlds of coaching and finance in this book. You will not find much in the way of investment strategies in this book, except where they pertain to the brain.
Everything begins in our brains. And it gets there by all the influences, big and small, loud and quiet that envelop us from the time we are little all the way until we are grown women. And most of us do not pause to question these premises.
We do not stop to wonder who decided that things should be this way. Who decided what is good or bad, right of wrong. And when it comes to money, how much societal conditioning has to do with practical realities that hit all of us.
From the salaries we are offered in a new job to being targeted for advertising.
Dr Koo gives us an opening into bringing up these questions for ourselves through this book.
It is eye-opening how recent it was when women were not even recognized as legal entities for financial purposes. It is no wonder then that anything money: the making or spending or the managing of it is a cause for so much trepidation.
Myths not Truths
Thoughts we think again and again turn into beliefs. Things we hear again and again begin to sound like the truth.
Defining Wealth for Women dismantles one myth after another, tackling one in each chapter.
#Money is Complicated
Dr Koo breaks down how our brains work, what motivates us (our brains, that is; it’s called the Motivational Triad). And gradually parses out how money is not really that complicated- it’s our thoughts around it that make it seem that way.
#Money is Stressful
The common thread again, is our thoughts playing tricks in our minds, literally.
All aspects of money- having it or not having enough of it, wanting more of it, spending it- can and does give rise to incapacitating stress in otherwise high achieving, smart, driven women- who handle all kinds of hard jobs all day everyday.
The trick is to remember that money, by itself, cannot cause stress (or bring joy). It is our thoughts about it- having it or not having enough of it, wanting more of it, spending it- that causes your feeling.
Money is only a circumstance. An external reality. And no matter how counter-intuitive this may sound, no external circumstance has any power to make us feel a certain way. It’s OUR thoughts about that circumstance, what WE make it it mean, are what determine how we feel about that circumstance.
#Money is Immoral
There’s plenty to say about this one, right? Society is rife with opinions on the morality of money, whether one has a ton of it or not. And both sides are equally compelling.
It takes on a special hue in the context of women. Women are particularly chastised for anything seen as a pursuit of money, whether negotiating for more at work or marrying into money. Women are constantly hearing that they’re not good with many and that they shouldn’t want so much of it.
Maybe money is just a tool- and as with any other tool- you can use it for good or bad- your choice.
#Does Willpower work
By now, going through life, you know it doesn’t. And when it doesn’t, we beat ourselves up over it. But that never ever works.
Dr Koo spells out, step by step, why willpower doesn’t work. And what, in fact, does.
Spoiler alert, it’s thought work again. And the superpower of learning to overcome desire. Not in the usual sense of resisting it, though- but by allowing it. By feeling all the feelings. And she gives us a practical manual on how to do this.
#Money and Work
This chapter is mind-blowing. The author asks a simple question, “How much money do you want to make?” and weaves through the entire chapter all the assumptions and thought baggage that lead us to our answer to that question.
We assume that money is an exchange rate for our time. But it’s not really. At its core, money is a reward for the value you create.
This little truth opens up a galaxy of possibilities. That you can actually create value through innovation and creativity. And that holds true for each one of us, not a select few.
Dr Koo urges us to first recognize what our assets are and then to build up more of them. She makes a strong case for the most valuable asset we all have: ourselves.
#How to think about Debt
This is a loaded one. We’ve all heard the common refrain of paying of debt. It is so prevalent as to be referenced in religion, too.
The author makes a case for looking at it differently- pointing out how our thoughts about debt may be impacting how we deal with it.
Debt is inherently amoral- a tool, just like money is. Use the tool to get your work done- reach your goals.
#Why Budgets (and diets) don’t work
Budgets and diet rely on willpower. And willpower, as we’ve seen earlier, is not all that powerful.
The author gives us a way out of this. Budgets do work, but when done the right way. It’s about the strategy but the mindset (yet again).
#Life is Just that Way
This last chapter blows it out of the park.
Dr Koo talks about everything from the forty-hour workweek (and questioning if life is meant to start at retirement) to the arrival fallacy and from risk-taking to what failure really means.
In terms of money, it is about allowing yourself the discomfort of losing money in order to take risks that have potentially astronomical rewards.
The author ends on an encouraging note, urging to uncover our own true potential and be the best version of ourselves. And do all of it unapologetically.
In a nutshell, you will not regret picking up a copy of Bonnie Koo’s Defining Wealth for Women. It is an easy 131-page read over a weekend afternoon. What might take a tad bit longer is the work to inculcate these principles into your lives. Are you ready to explore who you can become?
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